A story to make you smile.

[mick]

A few years ago I had the great pleasure of helping a young guy learn to buggy. For the sake of the story, we'll call him Graham. He was a 19yr old guy and I suspected he had a thyroid problem. A terrific easterly was forecast and we decided to make the trip to Mablethorpe. We met up with Midland Tony and Diem and set off.

 

When we arrived the wind was blowing well but it was a cold bright Winter day. We were all in Winter clothes apart from Gaham who was in shorts and T shirt. Deffo thyroid I thought now. Surprise surprise, Popeye the welder, House, Windjammer and a load of others had turned up for a Maybo to Skeggy marathon. We all trecked off to the beach and I told my beach virgin buddy NOT to set off with the big boys. I noticed the tide was fully low and a little surprised as the fleet set off. Surely they would not be back before high tide I thought. The excitement proved too much for my puppy and he raced off in pursuit off the tail enders. I stayed at Maybo with Tony and Diem and had a great time ripping up and down.

 

Several hours and a rising tide later 2 kites appeared. It was Popeye and another, I can't remember who. I sat there watching as they got nearer when suddenly my phone rang. Hello I said. "M m m m m mick, it's me" a frozen voice said. The phone cut off. I redialled and it was answered by a barely audible voice. I thought, wind up but I kept listening. A blubbering voice was asking me for help. Who is it. Gr Gr Graham. Where are you mate I said. Between Maybo and Skegness but I don't know where. Describe something you can see and I'll come and find you. I rushed off the beach leaving all my kit to find him.

 

I drove about 6 miles toward Skeggy, talking trying to keep my mate conscious. Try to get near the road mate I said. Mick he shouted, I just saw you pass me. I turned round and eventually found him huddled up next to a building shivering and shaking. I threw his buggy and kite in the van, got my car blanket, wrapped him up and strapped him into the passenger seat. Heater on full, we set off to retrieve my tackle. Graham sat there, eyes shut and I was truly concerned for him.

 

5 minutes into the journey, Graham stirred and without warning, like a scene from the Exorcist, he mega vomited at my windscreen. Not content to limit the damage, he rotated his head the full 180 to cover the screen from one side to the other. Oh my God I thought but before I could say anything, he unleashed another vomit salvo. Windscreen, dashboard and seats all felt the full wrath of his sunstroke and hyperthermia induced mega vomit. " Could it get worse" I thought rubbing the screen to get visibility. Oh yes it could. A distant rumbling the like of a train coming thro a tunnel warned me of the next episode but nothing could of readied me for what was to come. A deep bowel rumbling, like Versuvius awakening let me know what was coming my way. Whoosh, he touched cloth in a big way and I don't mean a big way. I mean a facking big way !!! I could barely see and now I could barely breath. He slumped back into the seat and I raced off toward the Seal Sanctuary car park. Its hard to drive with your head out of the window I can tell you. The strange thing is that I started to laugh. Quite insanely I must admit. What a hand I'd been dealt.

 

I got back to find Tony and Diem on the car park with their kit AND mine as well. The pair of them had packed my kites and dragged my buggy off the beach as well as their own. What a pair of stars they are. Unbelievable. When they saw the state of the van and Graham they set to cleaning up. Diem had a drum full of industrial wipes which we scrubbed Graham off with. We collected our spare clothes and dressed him in those. His clothes, and I mean All his clothes were stuffed into a bin and left. We hurriedly cleaned my screen, packed my van and I made the decision to head back to a hospital in Coventry rather than be stuck in Maybo for the night.

 

He seemed to be sleeping quite peacefully now and my worry subsided slightly. I drove like the wind, my old van roaring along at warp speed. Suddenly, like the phoenix rising, Graham opened his eyes, looked around and proclaimed " I'm starving" WTF !!!! He looked around, found his bag and proceeded to tuck into 2 of the biggest beef burger batches Ive ever seen. Enough to feed a third world country at least. " Not eating" he said as I looked down at my sick drenched lunch box. "I'll give it a miss " I said.

"Whats happened to your van? " he enquired. To this day I don't know if he really remembers.

 

The rest of the journey was pretty unexciting. Graham regained his strength and was able to get home from my house unassisted. He did seek treatment for his thyroid condition which I had diagnosed correctly. But for a few years I never travelled with anyone else, just in case of a reoccurrence. I now have another kite buddy who up till now hasn't vomited or soiled himself in my presence. But of course, the day's not over yet. As the now late great Joe Cocker once sang, who knows what tomorrow brings.

 

Only a few returned from the marathon, unassisted but everyone had a great time. My thanks go to Tony and Diem for firstly, collecting my gear and secondly helping with the mess. Truly, a pair of good guys if ever there was. A day I won't forget in a hurry no matter how hard I try.

[broraboyan]

Nice

[mick]

Believe it or not, the vomit actually etched into the plastic bits on the dash. I kept the van for 2 yrs after this and every hot summers day, the smell returned. Not pleasant.

[Buckleheid]

nice story mick

was expecting a sting in the tail tho,glad to hear he was fine after all

[mick]

Sting in the tail????? FFS he nearly wrote my van off. How much more of a sting in the tail would you like?

[ssayre]

Thanks mick, a truly frightening story. I'm pretty sure I'll make any new guys meet me at the buggy spot instead of offering to take them from now on.

[mick]

Thanks mick, a truly frightening story. I'm pretty sure I'll make any new guys meet me at the buggy spot instead of offering to take them from now on.

 

Pretty well, this was one of my final lifts until I found my latest bud who appears to be fully potty trained. Fingers crossed eh?

[Robocourier]

Mick's Christmas Tale, warming the cockles of our hearts.

 

Happy Christmas Everyone!

[broraboyan]

I'll buy that for a dollar