bushflyer Posted May 30, 2010 Report Posted May 30, 2010 http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3A-rITorWuB2pa1M%3A%3Awww.durham.anglican.org%2Fnews-and-events%2Fnews-article.aspx%3Fid%3D73&t=1&usg=AFrqEze2G7mEKG6qiCtaJDuI4jLIiD_ClA Greetings fellow kitesurfers! Some of you may remember me, I am the archbishop of kitesurfing Desmond Mctutu. I have been busy spreading the kitesurfing gospel across the uk, and now I have returned to my favourite forum to help one and all. Confess your sins, all faiths are welcome here. To cheer you up, I shall recite the ten commandments: thou shalt respect the wind and ride lit thou shalt not trap thy nuts in a seat harness thou shalt not collide with the brown trout thou shalt praise the gods of kitesurfing, in particular the flashman and saint lou of wainmann. Thou shalt not piss in thy wetsuit thou shalt seek to help others follow the chosen path thou shalt seek to keep an open mind to different styles thou shalt use whatever kit they feel like thou is permitted to pull a sickie if it's epic thou shalt bring more hot ladies into kitesurfing PRAISE THE WIND Quote
Duderino Posted May 30, 2010 Report Posted May 30, 2010 Praise the lord !! Im a wrongun farther, bless me and forgive me my sins. How many hail mary's am i due ?? Quote
JonM Posted May 30, 2010 Report Posted May 30, 2010 hallelujah brother - pray tell what news of the table-topping nuns of turin? Quote
bushflyer Posted May 30, 2010 Author Report Posted May 30, 2010 (edited) http://www.archbishopofyork.org/media/image/o/l/IMG_2~19_1.jpg Ahh brother pooly. You are are a repeat sinner. May I remind you that taking a tinkle in your rubber outfit will not only turn your skin yellow, but will scare off hot virgin mommas from the beach. I beseech you to refrain from such inappropriate behaviour, or get a colostomy bag. Brother john, news reaches me of your good work. The nuns are quite well. However last year their church was burnt down after being struck by lightning. It's not all bad though, they used some of the timber to build a slider park. Sister Mary can nose press like no other nun these days. Truly profound. Edited May 30, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
blowmeharder Posted May 31, 2010 Report Posted May 31, 2010 Am I allowed to start a holy war against those who chose to covet "the sail & pole" surely they are heretics ... Quote
Antigrav Posted May 31, 2010 Report Posted May 31, 2010 I'm afraid I have been particularly negligent of the 5th commandment However I think I should be granted a reprieve for my sins for following the 10th commandment. Our club trips this year (i was trip sec) have had the lowest sausage factor in history, on one trip of 50 people there were 20 of the female persuasion (plus we had 50 people on a kitesurfing trip to Portugal just from our club, surely collecting that many followers to the light has to count for something ) Quote
bushflyer Posted May 31, 2010 Author Report Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) http://www.pinknews.co.uk/images/sentamu.jpg Dear antigrav, you should know better than to break the 5th commandment. The kitesurfing council is displeased, but we will overlook it on this occasion. Just don't expect a lift back on the church bus. It's bad enough on bridge night. However, congratulations on your excellent work ( was it missionary work? ) spreading the kitesurfing gospel. I will personally recommend you for a sainthood. Any more nuns such as sister doris http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/second-to-nun_498x552.jpg would certainly brighten up my day. You are truly blessed my child. And regarding those who like to dance round a pole.. http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2016/2239345417_a8372181da.jpg?v=0 need I say more? Edited May 31, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
mick Posted May 31, 2010 Report Posted May 31, 2010 Praise the lord !! Im a wrongun farther, bless me and forgive me my sins. How many hail mary's am i due ?? Pooly brother, tell all gathered here if you've ever attempted to push it up the 'wrong un' Quote
bushflyer Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Posted June 1, 2010 http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00659/news-graphics-2008-_659806a.jpg Dear Mick, please refrain from such behaviour in the blessed house of kitesurfing. I cannot speak on pushing it up the wrong un. Please refer to my previous post. I only ask that you don't do a wrong un and respect others right of way on the water, as this poor creature did to me the other day. http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb19/dianajacksonbucket/BIGBALDMONKEYMAN.jpg let us pray for him. Quote
plummet Posted June 1, 2010 Report Posted June 1, 2010 well i am obviously the anti christ as i enjoy landboarding more than kitesurfing. I will smite rage and furious vengance apon your pissant kitesurfing souls! Quote
harry_a Posted June 1, 2010 Report Posted June 1, 2010 forgive me father, for i once used a buggy. It haunts me even to this day Quote
bushflyer Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) http://www.archbishopofyorkyouthtrust.co.uk/images/ABY2.JPG good morning followers of the wind. Praise be upon you. Dear plummet, I know of a man who once had bushy hair who not only likes to stroke the carpet of the earth but also enjoys dipping his stick in the wet stuff. Lest you forget, all wind related faiths are welcome here. I do not know where he is, for he is busy doing the lords work for it is forecast that it is twintip conditions today in his parish. Young harry, I too once felt shame over the 3 wheeled contraption. But, upon my travels, I met the captain. http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/blogs/scott_blog/images/kirk.jpg and he showed me buggying could be most righteous. And so I left enlightened. Amen. Edited June 1, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
the_lone_wolf Posted June 1, 2010 Report Posted June 1, 2010 Sweet Jesus!!! You still around then dude? Quote
bushflyer Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) sweet Jesus? http://www.archbishopofyork.org/media/image/0/9/_CN388451.jpg no, desmond mctutu recommends kit kat. They're proper bo! Yes I'm still here spreading the gospel. But after following the recommendations of a certain wind website, and it lying AGAIN, I cried out to the wind gods WHY???????!!!!!!!! http://funtimeshad.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/abusing-religous-statues.jpg poor johnny chan hasn't had a session in weeks. I fear he has given up all hope. Edited June 1, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
Perry Posted June 1, 2010 Report Posted June 1, 2010 Archbishop Desmond as a female in this kitesurfing church I'm finding it difficult to fulfil the 10th Commandment. Is it possible to request the kiting gods make an amendment to read "thou shalt bring more hotties into kitesurfing" this may help me enlist more laydees into the fold if they know there are hot gentleman like brother mick running around in neoprene :-) Quote
gixerkarl Posted June 1, 2010 Report Posted June 1, 2010 my first confession....i wear a seat harness,and like it!....what should i do *sobs* Quote
bushflyer Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) http://thursodailyphoto.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/_44723201_archbishop.jpg safety first, do you like the helmet? Dear sister perry, spare a thought for your fellow brothers who get an eyeful of builders crack in a cold car park on many a windy day. It is enough to trouble even the most hardy soul. I beseech you to talk your lovely lady friends into joining the faith. Just tell them that all kitesurfers have a six pack and are always ready for action whatever the conditions. Here is the following picture to inspire you. http://www.kevinlangeree.com/galleries/ActionPhotos/IMG_4525.jpg now, brother karl. Usage of the seat harness is fine. St flashman was quite an advocate back in the day. Just be careful you don't end up with two heavenly bodies. Here is a picture to remind you to protect your holy hand grenades. http://kiteboardingmag.com/files//2010/03/best-girls10.jpg Edited June 1, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
mick Posted June 2, 2010 Report Posted June 2, 2010 Archbishop Desmond as a female in this kitesurfing church I'm finding it difficult to fulfil the 10th Commandment. Is it possible to request the kiting gods make an amendment to read "thou shalt bring more hotties into kitesurfing" this may help me enlist more laydees into the fold if they know there are hot gentleman like brother mick running around in neoprene :-) Thank you for the good comments sister Perry. Not one for an argument, I is agreeing with you about my buffness. Only today my nurse described me as 'hench'. I think a photo of my henchness may be in order for the congregation of Archbishop McTutu. Quote
bushflyer Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Posted June 2, 2010 http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01295/john_sentamu_1295185c.jpg Good Afternoon followers of the wind. Are you as buff as the saviour of many a kite and windsurfer, http://themixtapemonster.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/david-hasselhoff-baywatch2.jpg saint hasslehoff? Only the hoffmeister is permitted to wear trunks so garish. Bless him and his lifesaving ways, hallelujah! Quote
plummet Posted June 3, 2010 Report Posted June 3, 2010 praise the wind god i feel salvation! but what of my other deliances non wind related....... mountain biking and longboard skating????>>>>>>>>>>>>>.............................. Quote
bushflyer Posted June 3, 2010 Author Report Posted June 3, 2010 http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01238/archbishopofyork_1238350c.jpg Good afternoon my flock, do you like the robes? I think they're gangsta. dear plummet. I am most pleased you have found salvation. Non wind related sports provide blessing in such hard times as some of is are experiencing at the moment. Keep it yourself, but I'm quite fond of the odd skate round the village on the longskate, or putting the slide gloves on and having it large. For further instruction look up 'whirling dervish' on the interweb. Now then, regarding mountian biking. There's nothing wrong with pedalling very fast down a steep hill and trying to kill yourself, or for that matter sitting on a pointy object and staring at the bloke in fronts backside as you go cross country. But as for the dress sense, well see how I looked when I tried it out. http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00269/fashionaudit2_269227s.jpg Quote
Perry Posted June 3, 2010 Report Posted June 3, 2010 Archbish your looking hot in your mtb lycras there! Ooh dear is this wrong Quote
bushflyer Posted June 3, 2010 Author Report Posted June 3, 2010 (edited) http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00639/news-graphics-2007-_639571a.jpg calm yourself sister perry, remember I am a man of the ripstop cloth. And besides, those stretchy panties really chafe. Notice my expression in the picture, I'd given myself a right good wedgie. Sister, pass the talc! Edited June 4, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
bushflyer Posted June 6, 2010 Author Report Posted June 6, 2010 (edited) The wind is coming! Salvation at last! http://static.open.salon.com/files/salvation.128155724_std1221071276.jpg people of all wind faiths rejoice! http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/73141916.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF878921F7C3FC3F69D929FDD5779E5828A03E72C0E2D5C98B42CEF4BD1E3C94A7E045E5B01E70F2B3269972 aziz tells me it's building to 20knts cross on in Iraq and not a moment too soon. Some are resorting to desperate measures http://www.yogasynergy.com.au/main/files/images/simon_retreat.jpg clearly time to break out the old tambourine. Hallelujah! http://www.thejerusalemgiftshop.com/images/jerusalem-tambourine.jpg Edited June 6, 2010 by bushflyer Quote
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